Girlfriend
by fire-wood
Summary: Riku does NOT like his girlfriend.[Soku, Akuroku, Zemyx SoraxKairi in beginning AU]
1. And it was a Fiasco!

Silver hair hung in his eyes, a frown plastered on his face. The water was soaking through his baggy jeans, light blue material darkening into a blotched navy. 'Why do they never work? Never? Can't I have one of these plans go right?' He mentally asked.  
"TO WHATEVER HIGHER POWER IS WATCHING ME, IT ISN'T THAT FUNNY"  
A black clothed hand was stretched out to him, and the boy on the other side smirked largely at his friend's expression. "You know, it isn't your Greater Guardian's fault. You're the one who comes up with these"  
Riku's aquamarine eyes narrowed into a glare and he yanked roughly on his partner's hand. The redhead fell next to him and water splashed up, splattering water on the concrete by the river. Axel broke the surface, spluttering and rubbing his eyes. The carefully applied eyeliner ran down his face, like emo tears of sadness. Sadness however, was at the bottom of his emotion list. Position number one was fully filled with burning anger in the platinum blonde's general direction.  
Riku quickly swam towards the shore before the other could wipe him from the face of the earth. He scrambled over the edge and bolted towards his car, picking up his equipment as he ran.  
"COME BACK HERE, PRETTY BOY!" A cry rang out, causing the other customers at the mini-golf to look up from their clubs. Axel jumped over the fence, landing on Riku and slamming his fist into the blonde's nose.

Security 'escorted' them out a few minutes later.

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This is only the first chapter. The next one will be up tomorrow, I promise. It's already written and everything.  



	2. To the Batmobile!

This chapter is much longer. Yes, be happy.  
Yeah, anyway. Enjoy!

* * *

"Riku, you're such an idiot. I can't believe you got taken home by the police!" Tifa sighed. "Why can't you be normal?" She asked, crossing her arms and staring at her nephew. Riku looked up from the burn he was nursing on his shoulder and stuck his tongue out.  
"If I was normal, there wouldn't be any fun around here, right?" He smirked, earning a slap upside the head from his aunt.  
"But there wouldn't be any calls from neighbors asking if someone got shot either!" She argued, walking angrily across the room and throwing her arms up. "I mean seriously, sweetie! When Mrs. Hayakawa called and asked if you had killed someone, I could have died of embarrassment!"  
Riku looked towards the ceiling. "Hayakawa... Isn't she the one with the insanely annoying twins that tried to travel to the other dimension in their closet? That old lady called the fire department because she couldn't find the brats!" He laughed, immediately regretting it because of the pain caused by his broken rib. He rubbed it gently as Tifa continued to rant.  
"Yes, but that isn't the point, Riku! I'm going to have to send you back to your dad if you can't stop doing this." This statement caught Riku's attention, and his head snapped up.  
"You wouldn't!"  
Tifa nodded sadly. "I would have to." She kneeled in front of the blonde, brushing his long bangs from his eyes. "Riku. Please. I don't want to give Sephiroth custody again; I really enjoy having you here! So can you please try to behave?" She closed her eyes, resting her forehead against his.  
Riku sighed softly and nodded slightly. "Fine." Tifa backed up, smiling.  
"Thanks. Now put some stuff on those burns before they get infected! And don't forget to do your homework." She turned and went outside, closing the door with a snap.  
Riku fell back against the bed, looking at the ceiling. "Fantastic." He muttered.

"Axel! I can't believe you and that dork ruined my date with Sora!" A girl yelled, slapping Axel as he walked through the door. "You're such an ass!"  
A voice from the kitchen calmly told Kairi to 'watch her fuckin' language in the god-damn house.' at which there was another slapping noise followed by, "Yeah! A fine example your setting!"  
The girl, Kairi, ignored both of them and continued to yell at her cousin. "You tried to push me in the pond!" She accused, pointing at him with her manicured nail.  
Axel simply brushed the hand away and strode down the back hallway with his fingers in his ears. "Kai, you really need to shut up. No one wants to hear your shit." He glared, shutting the door to his dimly lit room. Kairi visibly bristled, puffing her cheeks in anger.  
"Ohhh! I can't stand him!" She yelled, running into her room and slamming the door.  
Reno sighed, looking around the corner of the kitchen wall. "Fuckin' brats." He muttered. Elena glared at the red-head.  
"It takes one to know one." She muttered darkly.

"Gya! He's such a pain!" Kairi fumed, stomping across her room. She slid into her computer chair and turned on the monitor. A icon on the bottom of her screen began to blink, so she clicked the yellow smiley-face. "You have a message from jumpprincess23! Reply?"  
Kairi chewed on her bottom lip for a brief moment, pondering the thought of telling Selphie about her date. She knew the girl wouldn't exactly care one way or another. But, as her friend, she would agree with all the things she said about Axel and Riku. It was Girl Code, and it just worked like that!  
She decided to IM her back, ignoring her better judgment, and flipped the switch of her radio on. Selphie seemed to still be logged in, and the customary 'Hey!' message was sent back instantly with 'Kairi!'  
The red-head grinned, pulling the headphones on her desk over her head, slipping them snugly onto her ears. A cracking voice came over, the noise of static overpowering the yells. How they could, Kairi wasn't sure, but she quickly turned the volume down before she busted an eardrum.  
"Kairi! You're finally on! How was your date?" Selphie bubbled, staring at her friend through the webcamera window.  
The red head sighed, using one hand to prop her head up while examining the French Manicure on the other. "It was totally ruined! You know my cousin? The one that was sent over here a few weeks ago from The County the Doesn't Exist?"  
There was an energetic nod from Selphie. "Yeah! That really sexy red head that did the Hips Don't Lie routine during lunch. What about him?"  
"Selphie, I told you never to bring that up. It's disturbing enough just hearing that song now."  
"Right! I'll keep that in mind. Anyway! What about him?"  
Kairi looked towards the door, arm draped across the back of her swiveling office chair. "He ruined everything. Him and that stupid Riku."  
"But weren't you and Riku friends?"  
"That was before he started to try and seduce my Sora." Kairi pouted, lip jutting out.  
Selphie sucked in air, puffing her cheeks out. "Man! That's really mean! What a jerk."  
Kairi nodded in agreement. "My thoughts exactly! What kind of a friend steals your boyfriend?"  
"Well, how about the sexy gay guyfriends? They do it pretty well."  
"Rhetorical question, Selphie."  
Selphie puffed her cheeks again looking away from the screen. "Well you asked!" Kairi simply rolled her eyes. Selphie stuck her tongue out before continuing. "Well, what exactly did they do?"  
For the next half hour Kairi relayed the events to her friend, incidents such as her getting pushed into a Port-a-John, getting hit in the head with a golfball going 'at least 10 miles per hour' and her new shoes getting totally ruined by the moat water she fell in. As she wound down, she looked at the webcam to find Selphie reading a magazine and eating a stick of seasalt ice cream.  
"You didn't hear a thing I said, Selphie, did you?" The brunette jumped at her name and quickly stuffed the teen reading material under her desk.  
"Of course I was listening! They tried sending you to Cuba, right?"  
Kairi sighed, sitting in front of the computer and leaning close to the camera. "Wrong." And with that word, she shut down the chat. Selphie sat on the other side for a few minutes, looking at the screen before she shrugged and pulled the new issue of Seventeen out again.  
"Peach juices makes your skin softer? Who da' thunk?"

Sora sat on the couch as soon as he made through the door. "That was... weird." The energetic boy might be new when it came to dates, but he was pretty sure the last two hours weren't exactly fantastic. He made a mental note never to go back to a mini golf course since they seemed to ooze trouble. Or maybe it was a fluke. None of the other patrons seemed to have golfballs being swung at their heads.  
"But... Riku and Axel were there... I wonder why they never said hi... He was glaring at us an awful lot..." Sora gasped, sitting straight up and grabbing his hair. "That's it!" He yelled, jumping up and running to his brother's room. He threw the door open wide, causing Demyx to launch out of the chair, holding his chest in horror as Sora ran up and shook his shoulders. "I get it now, Demy! I know why!"  
The taller boy detached Sora's vice grip from his shoulders and he pushed Sora down on the bed before sitting next to him. "Um.. Would you mind filling me in?" The younger brunet immediately stood up and began to pace.  
"The dirty looks Riku gave us at the mini golf! The anger issues Kairi keeps having! The way they quit hanging out with each other!" He jumped on Demyx, smiling insanely. "Riku and Kairi are in love with each other!!"  
The room was quiet for the next few minutes as Demyx looked up at his brother and frowned. "But... Riku loves you.."  
This time when silence reigned the room, it was interrupted every now and then by a 'pffting' noise from Sora before the brunet fell of the bed, holding his sides and rolling on the floor laughing. "Riku- Hahahaha!- loves- Pfft!- Me?" Demyx continued to lay back on the bed, frowning and thinking. Sora looked up at his brother. "Why the hell would you ever think Riku was in love with me?" He asked, rubbing the tears from his eyes.  
Demyx grabbed his sitar from the floor and set it in his lap, strumming it before working on the tuning. "Axel told me that Riku-" At that instant, the door slammed open yet again and a red head jumped in and put his hand over the musician's mouth. Sora blinked.  
"Axel? How'd you get in the hou-"  
"No time to explain!" Axel yelled, grabbing Demyx and holding onto him by the waist. "Quick, Mullet-man! To the Batmobile!" He bolted out of the room, taking Demyx with him.  
"...Since when has Axel had a Batmobile?"

* * *

Axel has a Batmobile! Yay!

If you review, I'll give you a Mullet-Man plushie. Won't that be nice?


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